My life

i hate shit sometimes...

Why do i read shit like this and wish ahmid would say that to me.?


BABYFACE LYRICS

"Rock Bottom"

I was sitting here thinkin' 'bout my situation
Though I know you got reservations
I was thinkin' we could have it out
'Cause if we had it out
I knew that we could work things out
I know the girlies gotta watch their reputations
They like to know they got a man with dedication
To make a point they gotta put 'em out, but truly
Baby girl don't have to go out that route

So don't think I don't love you baby
So don't think I ain't been goin' crazy
Don't think for one minute
You ain't been on my mind
Don't think that I'm gone for good
Lord knows that I've been misunderstood
Won't give you up and baby I'll tell you why

I ain't never been down
I ain't never been out
And I ain't never hit rock bottom
Till the day you put me out
And I know I've done some wrong
But I ain't never hit rock bottom
So baby don't count me out

I was thinkin' in the mornin' it'd be over when I wake up
But then reality had hit me and I jumped up
I had to get myself a dial tone
I started callin' everybody tryin' to get back home
But everybody that I called was being difficult
I took it personal and took it as an insult
For all the time we had been goin' out
Girl I don't understand why you would have to go that route

Well I know that I love you baby
And I know that I'm goin' crazy
Don't think for one minute
You ain't been on my mind
Don't think I'm gone for good
Gods knows that I've been misunderstood
I won't give you up and baby I'll tell you why

[HOOK]

It's been much too long
Since you've been gone away from me
And I need you home
Oh come back to me baby
'Cause I'm all alone
I'm all alone down on my bending knees
Oh baby, baby
Can I come back home please

*This is for the one who wont read it*

you take and take....
and take

ill give and give...
and keep giving.

You fight and leave...
then come back

I hope and change
and cry.

Finally you give
only to recieve.

And the cycle repeats itself.
Its our dysfunction.

i dont have much time so I am just going to say today has been a terrible terrible day.

how do u work on a "friendship"
but still act/feel like u love someone...still do all the things u do when u love someone
but ur not friends or gf/bf?









im setting myself up 4 hurt.



whats new.

Date: Thu, 12 Dec 2002 21:04:07 -0800 (PST)
From: "Kevin Hazeltine" <hilojt@yahoo.com> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: I Miss My Friend
To: kidabug514@yahoo.com

I Miss My Friend

By Darryl Worley

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
But baby most of all

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright

I miss those times, I miss those nights
I even miss our silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with

The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend, I miss my friend, I miss my friend
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

ive had this in my email since dec.12 2002

ironic...now I miss u

overwhelmed with just one question...
one question that has no answer
no answer I want to give...

Im in over my head.

Time heals...
yet it also adds gaps in history.

Let me explain: Lets say something bad happens and u say time will help...yeah only because each day weakens that memory. and then their is a gap between the good thing and the next best thing.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Am I kidding myself...

yes
yes I am

Your there
Im here
doesnt matter anyway
cuz even if we weree together
we'd be seperate.

You put be down
down so low I cant rise
The pain I feel so harsh, so intense, sometimes I wonder
Is the happiness I once felt even real?

Ive loved before
Yes i have, and Ive been loved back
It was an amazing love...unlike any other
The lord made him my angel
now I miss my dear love and best friend

So am I being punished by god
or perhaps something much more than that
some other unkown power
Yes I am I have it all figured out

The happiness I feel rarely is none other than a taste
just to tease
But truely that will halkp to make this pai much worse

that is why all ths is happening to me right bow a
at this point in my ife
fuck me fuck me fuck me thats what is.

Its because NIKITA you dont fucking deserve happines
you fucking suck.
You are a terrible person
u will never be happy.

Fucking hypervenalate and wallow in your own bitter sweet mries
Bring as much pain to your won ife as possible its a fucking gift
yeah a gift from that unknown power...
This gift to u is the gift of eternall pain.

like it or fuck it.






---------------------------------------------------------------------



So yeah that was pretty dumb i know but I had to do something to get that shit out of my system....I fucking feel like I amm going to die...I just dont even know what to do lately. everything is so bad and so intense...I feel llike I am fucking screaming look, look, FUCKING LOOK!! I need u. I do thats all I want in life is to be near u and people that love me so why are we like this. If we love each other why does it have to be like this....why cant u just understand I fucking need u. Yes I will admitt it I am...:
Fragile
complicated
insane
needy
but I also:
am Madly in love with u
would do anything for u(hate to admit it)
let u walk all over me
want u to make this work
try to pull u back when u pull away
miss u.

I let u go tonight to see if u would come back...but even if u do. what the fuck will make everythign ok nothing. cuz in ur words " Im makeing a big deal out of nothing"

I cant take this anymore.,
the sad part is I cant let u go.

why dont u just let me go instead of hurting me so badly.
better yet why cant u love me like I love u
unconditionaly.

So I dont know what to think.

Things got pretty rough and I got very sad for a while, then I had a meltdown. Now things are a lil better its weird. But my mom is really worried about me because I freaked them out. I feel really bad now.

alright well i am going to watch waiting with my roomates.

Mark your confessions:

[X] I'm afraid of silence. *sometimes

[ ] I Talk ALOT when I get really nervous.

[x] I am really ticklish.

[ ] I'm afraid of the dark.

[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.

[ ] I Can't sleep in a room if the door is open

[ ] I am homosexual.

[x] I believe in true love.

[ ] I've run away from home.

[ ] I listen to political music

[ ] I collect comic books.

[X] I shut others out when I'm sad.

[X] I've stayed out all night.

[ ] I open up to others easily.

[X] I am keeping a secret from the world.

[ ] I watch the news

[x] I own over 5 rap CDs

[X] I love Disney movies.

[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes.

[x] I am a sucker for brown eyes

[x] I am a sucker for blue eyes

[X] I don't kill bugs.

[X] I curse

[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.

[x] I've slipped and fell in public. haha

[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.

[ ] I love Spam

[x] I bake well.

[x] I have worn pajamas to class.

[x] I have owned something from Abercrombie.

[x] I want a job. (a better one than i have)

[x] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours.

[X] I love Dr. Phil

[x] I like someone.

[X] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.*only sometimes.

[x] I am self-conscious

[x] I love to laugh.

[x] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.

[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.

[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies

[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.

[ ] I can't swallow pills.

[ ] I have a lot of scars.

[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.

[x] I love chocolate

[ ] I bite my nails

[ ] I am not comfortable with being me

[x ] I play computer games when I'm bored.

[X] Gotten lost in the city.*when drunk!!!

[X] Seen a shooting star.

[ ] Had a menage a trois

[x ] Gone out in public in my pajamas.

[x ] Have kissed a stranger

[x] Have kissed someone really strange

[ x ] Hugged a stranger.

[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of a diff. sex

[x] Been in a fist fight

[ ] Been arrested.

[X] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose.

[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.

[x] Made out in an elevator.

[ ] Swore at Liberace.

[ ] Been skydiving.

[ ] Been bungee jumping.

[ ] Gotten stitches.

[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

[x] Bitten someone

[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.

[x] Gotten the chicken pox.

[ ] Crashed a car.

[ ] been to Japan.

[X] Ridden in a taxi.

[x ] Shoplifted.

[ ] Been fired.

[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

[ ] Stole something from your job.

[ ] Gone on a blind date.

[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach

[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

[ ] Been to Europe.

[X] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee

[ ] Been married.

[ ] Gotten divorced.

[x] Saw someone/something dying

[ ] have a list of people you want to kill.

[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day.

[X] Been to Canada.

[x] Been on a Plane.

[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[x] Thrown up in a bar

[ ] Eaten sushi.

[] Been skiing

[x] Been ice skating

[x] Cried in public.

[X] Walked purposely into traffic.

[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.

[X] Thought of someone almost 24/7

[x] Hate the world (on certain days)